Lessons for Living
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How do you talk to yourself?
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Have you ever been
upset with yourself? Looked into the mirror and not liked what you saw. You were too fat
or your hair was a mess. Thoughts went flashing through your mind. Thoughts like: "I
don't like myself." "I can't stand myself." Or, maybe even, "I hate
myself." While such thoughts are all too common, they are actually strange to have because they seem to imply that more than one person is involved. There is "You" and there is the "You" that you can't stand. There's the "Judging You" and the "You Being Judged." The dilemma is figuring out which "You" is the real "You." Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says that it was just such a perplexing thought that woke him up out of a deep depression and started his spiritual journey. His despairing thought was: "I can't live with myself any longer," and it thrust him into wrestling with the issue of "who" was this person that he couldn't live with. The question raised by such self-critical thoughts is: "Am I one person or two? And, if I'm only one person, why don't I accept myself as I am?" Where does our non-acceptance come? Usually inner, self-critical thoughts come from trying to live up to a standard. In our normal ego state we are often concerned with how others see us. We want to make a good impression, so we compare ourselves to the cultural ideal. Are we thin enough? Do we have the right clothes? Are we successful? If the answer is "No" then the ego's critical voice is raised, and we may hear, "I can't stand myself." The fundamental problem is that the "self" that the ego can't stand may be perfectly fine just as it is -- if only the criticism would stop. But, how do we stop it? Such action would have to come from some aspect of ourselves greater than the ego. It would have to come from the "Deeper True Self" with which we were born and which lies at the heart of our being. The reality of life is that we are only "one" person but with many voices. We all talk to ourselves about life and take what we say to be the truth. Often, however, it is not. What we say is frequently a judgment based upon uncritically accepted standards of thinness, beauty, or success. If we can learn to look past these judgments -- not take them so seriously -- perhaps we can find our way back to our True Self. From our True Self we can realistically assess what about ourselves needs to change and what does not, so that when something needs changing, we change it, but without the inner voice complaining, "I'm just a failure." From our True Self, we can love and value who we are while we make the changes we need to grow and develop. Life goes on and we get better but without all the inner complaining. Learn to practice self-acceptance and see if life goes better.©2001 Daniel H. Johnston. All Rights Reserved. Give us your feedback on this article or |
