Lessons for Living       
Weekly Lesson: "The Challenge of Honesty"

In business, it is obvious that honesty builds your reputation. You must do what you say and deliver what you promise.

In daily life, it is also true that honesty is the best policy. It certainly simplifies life because you don't have so much to remember. Misrepresent the facts just once and you have to remember what you said. Misrepresent them more than once, and you have more to remember. Juggling all this misinformation can be difficult, and you may soon forget who you told what. One wrong word to the right person can lead to disaster.

The goal of being honest is made difficult because there are two ways of being dishonest. Scott Peck discusses them in "The Road Less Traveled." One way of dishonesty is with a Black Lie, which is a conscious effort to mislead. The intent is not to tell the truth and obviously has a high risk for conflict and trouble.

The other way to dishonesty is with a White Lie, which is a partial truth. Sometimes when we don't want to hurt another's feelings or cause them unnecessary worry, we withhold information. We tell a White Lie. It seems that we are being kind or protecting the other person. However, a White Lie is really an effort to protect ourselves from the difficulty of being honest.

A White Lie can be as simple as telling the telemarketer that "you" are not home, or as serious as when the boss keeps saying, "We will never downsize here" right up until the moment the pink slips arrive. White Lies neither allow for preparation nor provide protection from circumstances that must eventually be faced.

The dilemma confronted with a White Lie is that there are times when the full truth would be cruel. There is such a thing as "brutal honesty." How can we know when withholding or tempering the truth may be needed in order to help another person accept a difficult situation?

Scott Peck offers some guidelines. First, such a decision should never be made based on personal needs but rather on the needs of the person from whom the full truth is withheld. Second, such a decision must be made with genuine love for the other person and, third, it should focus on aiding the spiritual growth of that individual.

These requirements are so difficult that they seem to preclude ever telling a falsehood. Maybe the way out of the dilemma of truthfulness is to always tactfully tell the truth. Tell the truth, but use your judgement. Be honest, but be kind. Most of us if given enough sensitivity and concern can accept even a hard truth.